You Need To Be Single

"I just think I need to be single for a while." - I remember this conversation so well. It was hard to say yet I'd been thinking about it for so long.

So, there I was.... 25 and single by choice. I let out a sigh of relief simply because I felt free. Everyone talked about "finding yourself' in your 20's but where do I start? I first needed to create myself. It started in college- I had been in 2 serious relationships up until that point and to be honest, it was exhausting. I knew I wanted to be alone but I didn't know how to.

ISSA NO FOR ME DAWG.

At that point I had classmates and friends getting married. The mere thought of matrimony scared me to death. Every time the subject surfaced, I'd change the conversation, say I'm not ready or even just ignore the topic altogether. I was never the girl who dreamed of marriage and being carried away by a knight in shining armor. THAT WAS NEVER ME!

AND SO THE JOURNEY BEGINS....

The first few months of being alone were rough. I had no desire to wear a sign saying "newly single", most people didn't even know. There was no announcement or update of my relationship status on Facebook. I kept asking myself if I made the right decision and even considered sending the "just kidding" message to my ex (lol). But I stood firm on my decision. I started moments of self-reflection. Asking myself "why"- noticing my patterns, negative behaviors and how I got to that place.

I was forced to deal with myself and all of my issues without funneling them into someone else via a relationship. I was present in every moment and felt every raw emotion without having another person upon whom to unload. Not having that "person" to validate or influence me made me stronger, wiser and much more self-aware. I had to deal with my own CRAP. Period.

I MADE MISTAKES.

I learned and grew from them. And most importantly, I realized how crucial it is for one to be single. Taking the time out to find (or even create) yourself, figuring out who you are and what you want out of life, learning to love yourself and grow, and dealing with your issues without distractions or interrupts. That is so important.

Now in NO way am I glorifying being single and to keep it real.... being single these days (at 29) is a lot LESS fun! I know that everyone is different and each couple's journey is unique. But I encourage everyone to go through a season of discovering one's self. During that time, DATE! Have fun, enjoy yourself. (But that does not include being intimate with everyone you come across- I'll save that for another blog).

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF SETS THE TONE FOR EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE.

To all my 20-somethings out there, it's okay to settle down but DON'T SETTLE. Being single is not the end of the world. Don't look for validation in someone else. Do not be discouraged. You are exactly where you need to be right now.

Try being on your own for a while and getting to know yourself, I promise it'll benefit you.

XoXo,

Kenn.